This is a grand question. If I were to talk about the essential causes of this problem, I probably would not be able to finish writing three books.
Maybe I would have to talk about the history of group marriage of human beings, then talk about the monogamy and polyandry in our culture, and then talk about how contemporary monogamy was established, and in this Q&A, I can’t do it.
But one issue that is relevant to this question that you’ve raised is that divorce rates are on the rise in any contemporary culture.
It seems that contemporary people are not satisfied with the contemporary institution of marriage. Even in Europe and America, there are institutions such as civil partnerships that have emerged as a systematic addition.
This is because marriage is an ancient vessel whose own function was originally set up for the simple purposes of raising children, passing on wealth, and so on. And when people try to put too much into this ancient vessel, how can it carry it?
But now people are trying to put something as complex as love into this container and are still not satisfied, and that’s the heart of your story.
I can even help you go a little further, for example, if you ask “What do I get out of marriage? Everything except the legal birth of a child can be obtained without marriage.”
Big mistake, you can even have children legally without getting married. Whether it’s Hong Kong, Macau, Taiwan, or other countries and regions, many places can legally have children, and you can even legally have children without getting married.
To go even further, you can even freeze your eggs without having a child to give you a regret pill. Although the success rate of egg freezing is not 100%, it is at least a regret pill, so if you are just afraid that you will regret not having a child of your own in the future, there is a way to remedy the situation.
So, if the problem is just having a child legally and the fear of regretting not having one, these are actually good solutions. The only thing that can’t be solved is, what you expect.
In other words, you can solve all your questions about the function of marriage through specific strategies, but there is no way to satisfy the endless greed through the vessel of marriage.
As for “how to choose not to regret”, it is to let go of your greed.
Remember the classic line from the divorce lawyer
I believe in love. I also believe that love will die.
Nothing is necessary through marriage to get, but the most precious feelings between two people, only through marriage is possible to produce.
In fact, we may spend our entire lives just trying to find someone who won’t give up on us no matter what.
It is important to understand that marriage does not mean love, and the end of love is not marriage; loneliness is just the norm, and marriage will not be the end of loneliness.